kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
