Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize