I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
