Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
he was CRYING into my vagina
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
