did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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