Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
