I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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