This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
