you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
