Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm too high and old for this...
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
