it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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