lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
mondays should just be called national damage control day
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
