so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
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I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
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How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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