according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
