Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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