did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
