Cold hands, warm shart.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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