if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Randomize
