it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize