Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
