Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
