it hurts more in the daytime
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
