grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
