I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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