My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
