but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
