I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize