Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Alive.
So much puke
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
