There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
