The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
