You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
