I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
