just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
