The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
