Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
