if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
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I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
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He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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