You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
