Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Randomize
