You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
