Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
