My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
