after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
