There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize