Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
