She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
