i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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