if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm getting married
To pizza
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
