Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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