If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i jhust puked up my retainher.
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
