This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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