So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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