I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
