I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize