All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Randomize
