I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I need a beard to bite.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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