xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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