Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I intend to get homeless drunk
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
