i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
