You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
