I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
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