I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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