Just mADE A PArabola og urine
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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