Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
