I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
