Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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