I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
