i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
