what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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