you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
